The following is a transcription of Thomas B. Marsh, Letter to Heber C. Kimball, (May 5, 1857):
Florence, Douglas Co, Nebraska
Ter’y
may 5. 57
Heber C Kimball
Dear Sir; you see by the
[illegible] to this, when I am. I left winter Having lost my wife some three
years since I began to awake to a sense of my situation; you will, perhaps, say
why you left a long time or was a long time in waiting and would say truly for
so it is for I have, at least, been groping in darkness for 18 years I left
Quincy Co, Missouri in the begining of January A.D. 51, set my face Zionward
and thereabout, with only on foot having a determination that I would go to
Salt Lake, God being my helper, & there throw myself at the feet of the
apostles and implore their forgivness and ask for admittance into the House of
the Lord; into the church of latter day saints & that I would say to them I
know that I have since against Heaven and in thy sight and have rendered myself
unworthy of your confidence; or of a place in the family of Heaven nevertheless
make me thy servant let I perish for I know that in my Fathers house there is
bread enough and to spare while here I perish with hunger.
I came on with very good courage
until after I had been here for some time; the longer I remain here & the
more I do examine into your feelings since I left you the stronger I become in
my confidence & the stronger I become in faith & the lighter things
appear to me, the more clearly do I discover that I desire no place among you
in the church even as the lowest member; but I cannot live long so without a
reconciliation with the 12 and the Church whom I have injured O Brethren once
Brethren!! How can I leave this world without your forgiveness? Can I have it
Can I have it? something seems to say within me? O then hasten and signify it
by writing the words yes to me then O joy I shall be content, I have met with
G. M. Hinkle and a reconciliation has taken place with us, and where that was
accomplished I was so overjoyed that I was constrained to say in my heart truly
this is an evidence that the Lord loves me after all my rebellions & my
sins. I know what I have done a mission was laid upon me & I have never placed
it aside nor [illegible] it is too late but it is placed by another, I see, the
Lord could get along very well without me and he has lost nothing by my falling
out of the ranks; But O what have I lost?! Riches Great riches then all his
works a many friends like his could afford but O brethren! can you speak one
word of comfort to me Can I be saved at all in the kingdom of God Can I have
peace among you? If I can but enjoy your smiles and the smiles of the Church
& of Jesus I shall be content to depart in secure so great peace The Lord has been mindful of me even altho
I was very stubborn He has followed me up He has visited me with scourgings
& with visions & dreams, Therefore O that I were worthy to call you
brethren! but that I call your you seem very near to me I love you better than
I do any set of mortals on this earth, you have been diligent in accomplishing
the work given you while I, miserable me! have pursued my way among habit
chamels every seeking for nourishment to my soul where there was no bread of
life & I hate you & hate myself. I wait here, at Florence anxiously for
a letter addressed to your Ola & now truly sincerely & truly sincere
friend
Thomas B. Marsh,
Heber C. Kimball
Salt Lake City
P.S. My love to all the saints
& may the richest blessings of the fulness of the everlasting Gospel be
with you next spring your and a few more c[m?]nes
D. T. B. M.
